I've Lost

the will to do anything.

Maybe it's premature senioritis, although I would hardly attribute the cause to college. That would make little sense, considering I still have one more application to complete and at least a month until my first notification. No, it can't be senioritis.

Truly, I'm envious of those with no conscience, no foresight, and no minds. They can simply drop everything in order to do nothing, with no hesitation. They can play games all day and all night, sleep past noon, and feel absolutely no guilt when they walk into school on Monday with absolutely no work done. Alas, I find myself lacking the same lack of intelligence and so, condemn myself to a life of pain and suffering.

But I don't want to do work. I don't want to try hard. I want to be a lazy bum, and either live comfortably forever or die when I die. Curse the human conscience; it is a hindrance on several levels. Imagine it being an endless elevator: as time passes, it ascends another level, with no limit or end.

It feels as if I have lost the will to live,
I've run out of things to give:
My heart is gone, my brain is spent,
And don't even bother asking where my life went.

I'm trying my best, but still I fail,
So I'm stuck in the path of destruction, a heartless gale.
Why is this happening? Why is this so?
"Love never fails," well, I don't know.

Running around, making a fool of myself,
I'd give the world and all its wealth,
All for one, and one for me,
And that's all I want, can't you see?

I'm trying my best, but still I fail,
To uncover what to you has a veil.
Neither complex nor beyond reason,
It's something that persists for many a season.

Give it a chance, guard yourself not,
For with such a defense, how can a chance be got?
Fear it not, change your mind;
The way you're acting, I'd almost swear you were blind.

I'm wishing it were true,
I'm wishing it was you.
Ack! Here, my white flag, I surrender.
I just hope that when I'm gone, my life you'll remember.

-ThienAn