Lying

In a recent discussion with my friend and colleague, the question was asked:"Is it ever morally right to lie?"

Meaning: Is lying always bad? Are there situations where it's acceptable to lie? Is honesty always the best policy? Do the ends justify the means? Should we kill a murderer, before he kills even more people? Should we sacrifice one person - slaughter, murder him - in order to secure happiness for the rest of the world? I hope you get the point.



The question is something that society has debated for many, many years. Obviously, it is a matter of opinion, and a matter of personal morals. Now, what I say from here is said a developing Christian and well, myself. Naturally, my opinion is simply my opinion.

Now, one of the Ten Commandments of the Bible is "'You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor." In other words, "Do not lie, tell falsehoods, deceive, etc."

First, to establish something: I believe that lies come in two main situations. 1) a serious situation. 2) a harmless situation.

To briefly, but fully address the latter: Is there such thing as a harmless lie? Well. Yes there is. When joking around, or when the other party knows you are lying and speaking in jest, then I believe that that lie is fairly harmless. I speak in general of course; there are certainly hurtful jokes out there that people were "just kidding" about. But do the harmless ones exist? I think so. And are they morally wrong? I don't think so because if it is understood that what you have said is not true, in jest, and for good fun, and it does not hurt anyone, then I think that that qualifies as morally acceptable.

I know I do it all the time, and sometimes, what I've done is not acceptable. But in general, I think it is. Should I change my habits? Probably - as I grow older and mature, I believe I will find less need to entertain myself in such a manner.

Now, the real question at hand: Is it okay to lie about something serious? The most common example, I think, is lying or not telling someone the truth in order to "protect" them and their feelings. Well, certainly, at first glance, the ends seem to justify the means, do they not? But wait - what happened to no lying? I think this calls for a close examination.

Honestly, who has not told a lie to "protect" someone? Who has not told a "half-truth" or a "white lie"? Very few I should think. I believe that the general consensus is that yes, it's okay to lie in such a situation. But, at least for me, the question becomes: are they doing this out of morals, or are they doing this out of their natural inclination to lie, and then justifying it as "protection"?

You see why I question the consensus? On one side, you have protecting the feelings of those you love. On the other side, you have honesty. Which do you choose?

Most would find the former more important, more substantial. And right now, I would agree.

But really, I would carefully examine my motives, what exactly I am saying as a lie, and what the possible/probably outcomes will be. You really have to examine the situation thoroughly before lying and considering it morally just.

I think a few key questions to ask yourself are:
1) Could the person actually handle the lie, and you're just convincing yourself that they need your protection?
2) How "moral" is your motive? Are you sure there no alterior motives? No personal, selfish motives?
3) What, as far you know, will be the end result of the lie? Will it ultimately benefit your relationship with that person? Or no?


If we were talking about a spouse, or a close relationship where trust is implied, I would think that honesty trumps protection. Certainly, I don't want to hurt their feelings. But I imagine my girlfriend would be extremely hurt if she found out that I had lied to her. Lies damage relationships, and destroy trusts that take a long time to build.

I believe that we, as people, should savor relationships. I say relationships in the broad sense - not necessarily sexual, but friends, families, acquaintances, strangers, etc. And from my Christian-influenced perspective, we should encourage the growth of those relationships.

Now, imagine that you are debating whether to lie to a friend about something that could cost you your friendship. When you lie to your friend, that "hurts" your relationship, because you are left guilty knowing that you lied to your friend. If your friend finds out that you lied, then it hurts the relationship even more. Nevertheless, by lying, you have "helped" the relationship, by preserving the friendship.

Is it selfish to want to preserve the friendship? I think so. Is that wrong, necessarily? I don't think so - we naturally want to build close relationships, and that is good.

It depends on the motive behind the lie, I think. If we lie purely to preserve the friendship, then that could possibly be morally acceptable. If we lie with some other agenda, however, I think it is almost certainly unacceptable. To me, such a lie is would be wrong, because you are being selfish in a bad sense, and inconsiderate of your friend.

Adding the part about preserving relationships back, the reason why the lie was "wrong" is because I question whether all relationships are meant to be. Of course, we should strive to always be cordial, helpful, friendly, etc., we should project a positive aura. But should we become close to everyone? I should hope not.


Returning to the "protecting someone's feelings" scenario, I think that this is extremely rare. It is a common situation, but it is rare that the liar's motive is pure, as I defined before. Most of these hidden truths involve yourself, correct? So when you lie, you are saving yourself some humiliation, trouble, consequences, or whatever may come up. That is selfish.

My conclusion? It really depends on the case, but I think that it is extremely rare to find a situation where someone's motives are purely selfless, and thus, it is morally acceptable to lie. But should the case arrive, I think that yes, the relationships are more important than being 100% honest.